Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Medical Aide

Following hot on the heals of my friend and fellow blogger Alma I thought I would tell my medical dramas! It is said that things happen in threes well I am up to 5! Hell this must stop now!

  • Kid 1 has bleeding mole! Cannot get into dermatologist of choice till end of November - clearly Botox and fillers are way more lucrative than kids with bleeding moles! So I get into second choice and after PROMISING Kid 1 that I won't let the doctor hurt him (bad lying mommy) we toddle off in the middle of the school day (and Kid 1 needs all the hours of school he can get as he zones out of most of it!) and we get told the doctor is out on an emergency! An emergency outbreak of pimples? A fast growing mole? - he is a DERMATOLOGIST!! So an hour later we see the guy who says "We need to cut the mole off!" (See bad lying mommy comment above) This is done fast and yes, painlessly and the hour we have waited washes away as Kid 1 does not hate me forever! He then looks at my few little bumps and says "You have Cancer!" So on the 26th it is off to the theatre for the song and dance or removing 3 Basel Cell Carcinomas. Promise it wont hurt? That's 2!

  • Mommy has a black out while driving! This is never a good thing! So blood tests and an examination later I am off to the cardiologist! He prods and pokes and scans and tells me that yes those little flappy things are needed - they are the valves! Right! Then an ECG - lying on the bed! Piece of cake! Then he expects me to walk on the treadmill - that in itself could make my heart STOP! 10 Minutes later he declares my heart in fabulous working order but just to be sure we need to do a 24 hour ECG - so on Thursday I am going to get hooked up to a portable monitor to see how my heart manages all day: That's 3!
Doing kids Homework
My hard life

  • Kid 2 gets hurt while playing rugby/jumping on the trampoline/being a boy and complains or ultra sore ribs! So on a Saturday night we dash to the emergency rooms for overpriced after hours x-rays and a fear of punctured lungs, if not broken ribs! An hour and a purse emptied of money later we go home with suppositories (forever after known in our house as Butt Medicine) and a child who says he needs the bathroom! After a massive um, how shall we say it . . . lets just say that butt says it all, he declares he is better. R1000 is the most expensive poo anyone in our family has ever had! That's 4!

  • Max the Cat of Wonderbag fame comes crawling in out of the storm last night - soaking wet, dirty, smelly and crying! Toweling him off and settling him on my lap we look for wounds but find nothing but he continues to cry and moan and eats nothing - Max who eats EVERYTHING wants nothing! We are on high alert! He shivers for an hour then he sleeps on a pillow at my bed side and does not move even after covering him with a warm towel! The Vet is my first stop today! The vet says he thinks he was in a fight and while there is no puncture wounds there is a lot of bruising and a highish temp! He now looks like a patchwork quilt he has been shaved in so many spots! Max prances around the vets rooms and even manages to jump off the examining table! We get home and what does he do - He LIMPS around the house looking for the pillow! I have a Drama Queen cat! That's 5!


  1. At least my experience with matters medical did not include R1000.00 poos and drama queen cats! I wish you and your family Good Health and an understanding medical aid.

  2. Thanks Alma, but remember that this is the same medical aid that requested proof that I had a hysterectomy in hospital! I asked them if thought I had had it in the parking lot with a steak knife, a vacuum cleaner and the car guard in attendance. They did not laugh!
    And as for the cat - well he is a boy so Man-Flu seems to cover all creatures!

  3. I passed out twice in a truck. Turns out my sleep apnea was the culprit. Cancer is not good but doesn't sound serious. Good luck!